No one warns you as you head toward transplant about the fear and anxiety that come along with new organs. You are sick and dying and only want one thing, a second chance. When you are blessed with that second chance, of course rough times follow as you recover and heal from surgery. But these physically difficult times pass and suddenly you are a new person with abilities you may not even remember having had before.
I spent the last two years of my life sick. That became the norm and soon health was only a distant memory, one I wished for, but couldn't imagine ever achieving again. My world became dependent on everyone else, I could do very little by or for myself. Over time, this became normal, it is what I was used to, and I learned to accept it.
Last April my mom arrived and I clung to her as I did as a child. She took over all of my responsibilities and I was comfortable letting her.
Now, here I am, back on my own again, and it is terrifying! All I remember is how to be sick, it will be a process of re-learning health again. I am thankful and grateful for all that I have been given and feel horrible that I have spent the last few days crying and low. People tell me, "Now you can get back to normal!" but what is normal, that I just don't know.
I promise you, I have not lost my fighting spirit and will not let this anxiety take over. I have had several accomplishments on my own this week including taking myself to the hospital for bloodwork, driving a movie back to the store, picking up some of the household chores, like laundry and dishes, and unpacking from Pittsburgh.
I know in my heart God is with me and there is nothing to fear. Thank you for the support many of you have shown me the last few days, I have really needed it! Nancy
I spent the last two years of my life sick. That became the norm and soon health was only a distant memory, one I wished for, but couldn't imagine ever achieving again. My world became dependent on everyone else, I could do very little by or for myself. Over time, this became normal, it is what I was used to, and I learned to accept it.
Last April my mom arrived and I clung to her as I did as a child. She took over all of my responsibilities and I was comfortable letting her.
Now, here I am, back on my own again, and it is terrifying! All I remember is how to be sick, it will be a process of re-learning health again. I am thankful and grateful for all that I have been given and feel horrible that I have spent the last few days crying and low. People tell me, "Now you can get back to normal!" but what is normal, that I just don't know.
I promise you, I have not lost my fighting spirit and will not let this anxiety take over. I have had several accomplishments on my own this week including taking myself to the hospital for bloodwork, driving a movie back to the store, picking up some of the household chores, like laundry and dishes, and unpacking from Pittsburgh.
I know in my heart God is with me and there is nothing to fear. Thank you for the support many of you have shown me the last few days, I have really needed it! Nancy
Comments
everyone supports you.
claire, harley, goober and moxie
Thank you for sharing how you are feeling. I know you still have that fighting spirit in you and you just need to set your mind and heart to your new life. There is no doubt you will do it, you need to do it once you are ready! Believe in yourself and know that you have tons of support all around you. Good for you for all the accomplishments you have challenged yourself to this week. As you do more, your confidence will gain and soon you will find that "normal" again and go on living life to the fullest.
You can do it Nancy! God is with you and believes in you as much as we all do. Take good care and know that I am thinking of you and rooting for you all the way!
Love you,
Debbie
Carole
You and yours have been in my thoughts and prayers for months. I ache for you now as you struggle through this latest battle. I feel the need to lend you some words of comfort and support, so here I am, your dental hygienist.
Try to remember that you didn't become "dependent" overnight, and shouldn't expect to return to "normal" overnight either. Besides, maybe what was "normal" before, won't be, and shouldn't be anymore.
This is very cliche, but take baby steps, enjoy small victories, live in the moment, breathe, and lean on those around you(even in cyberspace) when you need comfort. We are all on this journey together, and who among us doesn't take pride in helping another.
In the words of my Grandmother to me in times of my turmoil..."This too shall pass"
Blessings and peace to you Nancy, Pam Jones
Oh, and don't forget to brush and floss : )
We love you! Thinking of you always. My mom and I were out today to pick up the kids and we both said, "I'M THINKING ABOUT NANCY!" The sunshine felt so good and we were hoping you were enjoying it, too. Much love to you!
Love,
claire, harley, goob and moxie
Do your best today and please know that you are definately not alone. We are all here to support you and we all care for you. Do what you can today and don't worry about what you can't. Your best is what your normal is today!
Lots of love an hugs,
Amy
It's perfectly "normal" for us "transplantees". Seriously I went through the exact things, so did Ashley...we had a long talk together about the anxiety and fear. A lot of it is from your meds.(I think) And also I think Ashley is right when she said she feels like she has post traumatic stress....we went through a pretty traumatic thing! I still feel afraid, anxious and I cry a lot....I am happy, but we exchanged a set of problems that we were very familiar with for a problems we have to learn all about. :) The doctors gave me some meds to help with the anxiety~ it really made a difference! I am here for you whenever you need to talk to someone who really understands..... you have my phone number! Love Ya~ hang in there..it gets better!
Don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't get sick overnight, so you're not going to go back to doing what you did when you were healthy before overnight either. And that's okay too. Take it one step at a time, just like you have been. Slow and steady...just like sending back your oxygen, etc was a step, take one step at a time doing what you used to! Sounds like you've been accomplishing that, going to the movie store, getting your blood drawn by yourself...I have all the faith in the world in your that you can do this too! Just look how far you've come :-)
I love you lots!
Lara
You are blessed. But remember God hears your tears too and doesnt ridicule you for being scared and weary. Just means hes reaching out for a hug.
Hang in there dear friend!
P.S.Bless you and your Families.
My Love to you all
Thanks for keeping up with your blog. I love reading it.
Love,
Kelley Ramee